Practice Random Acts of Kindness and Senseless Acts of Beauty

Net sig virus

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Understanding humor is like dissecting a live frog.
It can be done, but the frog tends to die in the process.

E.B. White

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I'm a vegetarian not because I like animals but because I really hate plants.

Andrew Taafe <andrew@cheops.anu.edu.au> (and/or A. Whitney Brown)

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The great mistake is to anticipate the outcome of the engagement;
You ought not to be thinking of whether it ends in victory or in defeat.
Let nature take its course, and your tools will strike at the right moment.

Bruce Lee

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"Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no
basis for a system of government"
- M. Palin

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Happenings are sometimes organised at which thousands of people hold
hands and form a human chain, say from coast to coast of the United
States, in aid of some cause or charity. Let us imagine setting one up
along the equator, across the width of our home continent of
Africa. It is a special kind of chain, involving parents and children,
and we will have to play tricks with time in order to imagine it. You
stand on the shore of the Indian Ocean in southern Somalia, facing
north, and in your left hand you hold the right hand of your
mother. In turn she holds the hand of her mother, your
grandmother. Your grandmother holds her mother's hand, and so on. The
chain wends its way up the beach, into the arid scrubland and
westwards on towards the Kenya border.

How far do we have to go until we reach our common ancestor with the
chimpanzees? It is a surprisingly short way. Allowing one yard per
person, we arrive at the ancestor we share with chimpanzees in under
300 miles. We have hardly started to cross the continent; we are still
not half way to the Great Rift Valley. The ancestor is standing well
to the east of Mount Kenya, and holding in her hand an entire chain of
her lineal descendants, culminating in you standing on the Somali
beach.

from Gaps in the Mind by Richard Dawkins
Excerpted from The Great Ape Project,
edited by Paola Cavalieri and Peter Singer.

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Remember two wrongs don't make a right,
but three lefts do.

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X: "These mini pizza's are so small, you don't need a knife and fork"
RC: "If they were any smaller, you wouldn't even need teeth"

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Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and I took both
- Anon

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One cannot hope to bribe or twist,
Thank God, the British journalist.
But seeing what the man will do
Un-bribed, there's no occasion to.

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"To really know someone is to have loved and hated him in turn"

Marcel Jouhandeau

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"I'd rather that a bigot mistake me for a lesbian than that a lesbian mistake me for a bigot."

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In hearing two sides of an argument, I'm guided by a strict sense of personal ethics:
Always agree vehemently with the person you find sexiest
- you stand a better chance of getting them into bed that way.
Ignore the ugly slob--who cares what they think anyway?

mickw@autodesk.com (Mick Washbrook)

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There once was a pretty young miss,
Who went to a lake for a swim,
But a bloke in a punt,
Stuck his oar in her eye,
And now she can't see very well

D.C.Alexander dca@cs.bham.ac.uk

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"If I wanted fat, sleazy Republicans telling me what to do,
I'd go back to hustling blowjobs on street corners"

Will Hardesty, Comedian, speaking about Rush Limbaugh

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Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.

Groucho Marx

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Ye knowe eek, that in forme of speche is chaunge
With-inne a thousand yeer, and wordes tho
That hadden prys, now wonder nyce and straunge
Us thinketh hem; and yet they spake hem so...

Troilus and Criseyde by Geoffrey Chaucer

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The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.

Maugham

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See also: My Collected Quotes